Tonight I am laying in my bed alone typing this letter to you. Your dad is on a fishing trip for the weekend and you are sleeping sound in your room in your own bed. You turned 3yrs old last month and your dad and I have been hinting at having you sleep in your own room. For a few weeks, you had no interest and when we would ask you would say “no thank you, I want to snuggle you”. We did not push it, but continued to casually ask every night. A few nights ago, when I asked I was surprised to hear you say yes. You had just a few requests: the night light had to be on, door cracked a little and having Honey (your beloved baby) by your side. You did not hesitate at all, you clenched Honey as I tucked you in, looked at me and smiled and asked for a hug and kiss and after I left the room I did not hear a peep the rest of the night. The same has happened ever since the day you were ready.
I on the other hand thought I was ready, but maybe I am not. Your dad and I have LOVED having you sleep with us and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. Have there been days; weeks that I wish you would sleep on your own without insisting on wedging yourself between us while also assisting one of us lay in bed with you until you fell asleep? Of course. I cherish time alone with your father just as I cherish time alone with you, but overall your dad and I both agreed that we have enjoyed the special time we have had the last 3 years snuggled close to you. Knowing you were safe tucked up next to us, sleeping so peacefully. I have enjoyed snuggling up close to you as we talk about your day and your thoughts before you slipped off to dream land. I treasured this hour where there were no interruptions, no work that had to be done, no calls to be made, just us.
Of course, I know that we can still have a bedtime rituals or can make other times special, but it will also never be the same again. Parents learn all too soon that time continues to march along whether we are ready or not. I used to rock you sleep every night in my arms and then we moved last Summer, the rocking chair never made it in your room and I remember all too well a night, a few months after we moved. We were in a hotel room looking out the window and I could sense that you were getting tired and I tried to rock you in my arms and I realized you barely even fit in them anymore, you no longer resembled a little baby, but a toddler, a tall one at that. I did not recognize it at the time, but rocking you will probably rarely ever be the way I put you to sleep again.
Although I am a little sad I am also happy and so very proud of you. Every single day you surprise me with the things you do. I know not to push you, instead sit back on the side lines encouraging you to take the next step. Because when you are ready you just do it. The same has happened with you learning to crawl, learning to walk and learning to potty train. When you are ready, there is no looking back. You spread your wings and you fly.
Sadly, I have had many sly comments and rolling of the eyes from well meaning family members, friends and strangers because we chose to co-sleep with our daughter for the last 3 years. I have to admit it has hurt me to the core at times. I wish I never had to feel the need to defend myself for it, but for the rest of my life I will never regret a moment we shared the night with you snuggled close. I love you to my core baby girl. xoxo
Claira it has been far too long since I last wrote you. I’m trying to gather my thoughts and will write soon. I have a lot of stuff running through my head about motherhood and need to write them down.
You know how certain songs just bring back a flood of emotions? This song is one of them. I used to dance around to this song and rock in the shower holding my belly while pregnant thinking about all the unknowns of a first time mom.
I love you Claira.
Daughter of mine, I love you with all my heart.
Today you are too young to understand what happened yesterday in Boston. Today you get to run around and play unaware of the tragedy that took place. But one day you will not be too young to understand and my hope is that you do not become discouraged by one person’s act to destroy humanity.
I hope instead you carry your childlike love with you always.
I hope you love quickly and forgive easily.
I hope you reach out a helping hand instead of turning a blind eye.
Do be vulnerable. Do dream big. But do not let someone limit you.
And by golly just smile and laugh and hug a lot.
Childlike love - it is really that simple.
*Times like these I feel so vulnerable as a mother when my job is to protect her.
“Marriage doesn’t require a big bank account, a dazzling resumé, or a televised wedding—it requires maturity, commitment, and a desire to grow up together. My husband and I married young. We don’t have a fairytale marriage or a storybook ending because our story continues. Going forward, we…
A few photos from Claira’s 2nd birthday party. We kept it “fairly” simple this year and it was great. We rented a larger vacation rental for the weekend and invited immediate family up for a day at the water park and spent the evenings watching all the cousins run around while the adults had a few cocktails and played cards. No decorations were needed and it was great not to stress about it and for dinner we just ordered pizza. I just wished Claira would have been feeling better over her birthday weekend as she had been talking about going to the water park with her cousins forever. Overall I think it was a success and always great to have both sides of the family together at once.
We just started a little family Etsy shop not too long ago. If you are ever looking for a cute tee for a little boy or girl in your life, stop on by!
We hope to have new designs up soon.
It is no secret to anyone that knows me that I miss these special moments with Claira very much….especially now that my daughter is certainly a “daddy’s girl”. I am slowly learning to accept this and how can I blame her? I adore the guy too.
These are a few pics from our family photo session this past Summer that I am just seeing for the first time as the photographer had them stored on a batch of film that was not developed until much later.
It’s Your Birthday!
Today is your 2nd birthday. Two years ago your tiny little body was placed in my arms and my world would never be the same. I was blessed with a healthy little girl who has over the last two years of her existence taught me more about life and the meaning of true joy and love than I ever thought possible. You have humbled me and reminded me over and over again the value of patience and lessons in being less selfish.
My tall, lengthy, brown eyed, head strong little girl with the biggest heart, I will never be able to explain to you how much I really do love you.
You are only one day older than yesterday, but yet this day seems so significant. You are no longer a little baby, but a little girl transitioning into the toddler years. It is easy to get wrapped up in the nostalgic thoughts of how fast the years have been going and how much you have changed. But today is a day of celebration as I know how lucky we have been to be able to witness another year of your life on Earth.
I will forever be thanking my lucky stars for bringing you into my life. I am so proud to call you my daughter and look forward to all the years ahead. Every day with you just keeps getting better and better.
P.S Annnnd another reminder of how much you are growing up. Today I asked you who I was, expecting you to say “Momma”, instead you blurted out “Kristy” Oh man, I have a feeling the two’s are going to be full of surprises
P.P.S And as you can tell by her princess picture. She is sick on her birthday, but we are trying not to focus on that. Poor little thing.